Perrie, the Pulverizer and Finding Life Balance in a Weird Pile of Cards
- Leo De Jesus
- Apr 5
- 13 min read
For a bunch of different reasons, I’ve slowed down with writing articles for Precon Playground. Reasons I’ll dive into it a little, and the weird way it lines up with my new wacky favorite pile of cards. No matter how personal it gets, I swear it ties back into Magic: The Gathering towards the end.
Context / Life Stuff
I don’t like going into lengthy discussions about myself, as I never want people to feel pity for me, and I especially never want to bring down the mood with a sad story. That said, the last few months really sucked. School had stressed me out. The independent learning was getting to me, and the difficulty of the work was scaring me away from studying and doing something about it. A lot of it stemmed from dealing with depression, but I have to be responsible and admit that school was hard and I got lazy. My mental health was slipping more and more. I wasn’t visiting family or friends like I used to. And to avoid doing any of the things I actually needed to do, I sunk into bad habits and put way too much mental energy into things that didn’t matter. I stayed up late playing games and obsessing over distractions to keep my mind off of what needed to get done.
One day, I decided to stop feeling sorry for myself and fix my whole life all at once. Which, if you were wondering, is not the right way to do it. I thought it was going to be some movie montage where I was going to come out of my depression, lose a ton of weight, be in great physical health, and suddenly be doing really well in school. Safe to say, none of those things happened. Some things improved marginally, but on the whole nothing really got better. I had spent all this mental energy trying to trick myself into becoming a new person all at once. This impulsive, all-or-nothing approach to self-improvement mirrors the initial, unfocused approach we often take when building a new deck. We might throw in every "good" card we own without a clear strategy, hoping for a magical transformation into a winning list. I was throwing myself from one extreme to another not realizing it wasn’t sustainable and not realizing it was going to get worse.
In August of 2024 I got a few routine heart and blood tests done as I’ve always had genetic high cholesterol. My cardiologist saw something was up and ordered more and more serious tests over the following months to get to the bottom of it. In February we found out that I had a completely blocked artery and a few other arteries that were significantly blocked. This led to a very stressful and anxiety-riddled two weeks that my wife and I now call the “in-between times” where we were planning open-heart surgery and getting mentally prepared for the 6- to 12-week recovery time it entailed. At the end of those two weeks, when I was finally coming to terms with and accepting the fact that I’d need surgery, the doctors and surgeons agreed that I should get a stent instead. In case you didn’t know, a stent is a tiny tube that gets put into your artery to help hold it open and facilitate blood flow. It’s a non-invasive procedure and I was able to go home later that same day, but there was still a mental whiplash in going from “I need open-heart surgery and may be in a bed for 2-3 months” to “Yeah, it’s just a tiny hole in my wrist that’ll close up in a few hours.” That whiplash caused its own anxiety and recovery period which has ruined my sleep schedule among other issues and side effects. This all led me to right now, writing this article. As of the writing of this post, the procedure was almost two weeks ago and I’m recovering very well. I’m feeling both emotionally and physically better and am excited to get into the gym and continue the next steps of recovery.
At the core of the recovery is self-care and improvement. Instead of letting life happen to me and just taking what comes my way, I’m making conscious decisions to improve my life, happiness, and overall health. Most importantly, I’m making small, consistent, and sustainable changes to get those results. Changes that could actually result in long-lasting results instead of flash-in-the-pan, all-or-nothing results. I won’t get into what the doctor has prescribed and what those changes are specifically, but it’ll all be ok. This shift towards small, consistent changes mirrors the process of refining a deck. Instead of making drastic, sweeping changes that might break the deck’s synergies, we often find more success in making targeted swaps and adjustments based on playtesting. And this is how we tie it all back into a kid’s card game!
And now it's about Magic again!
A set based on the art deco style and its matching time period, Streets of New Capenna (SNC) had everything that you’d expect to be represented in a stereotypical depiction of the fantasy 1920s: cops and mobsters, guns, brass knuckles, and a rhino soldier that was adopted and raised by a corrupt guild of lawyers and lawmakers and wields a giant hammer to fight for them. That rhino’s name is of course Perrie and his card “Perrie, the Pulverizer” is the face commander of the Bedecked Brokers precon deck. This precon contains the hands down weirdest gimmick of the five precons that came out for this set, especially when compared to the very common archetypes of the other four.
Obscura Operation: Really cool white, blue and black combat damage focused deck (That I’ve written about here!)
Maestros Massacre: A red, black, and blue deck that sacrifices its own creatures to copy spells.
Riveteers Rampage: An aggressive black, red, and green deck focused on the blitz ability to cheat in large creatures.
Cabaretti Cacophany: A red, green, and white deck that focuses on making as many tokens as possible to trigger wild ETB abilities.
Bedecked Brokers: This green, white, blue pile of cards that wants as many differently named counters spread across all of your permanents for a new take on a Voltron build.
This goofy deck was my reintroduction to paper Magic. I didn’t know that it was/is such a silly pile of disjointed cards, but the 1920s rhino with the hammer looked cool and that’s what mattered. This deck immediately became my pet project. I was deep into Scryfall, searching up the weirdest and most obscure kinds of counters in the right colors. (Fun fact: black actually has a ton of really funky named counters that I wish I could run in this deck.) I was 100% in on getting as many differently named counters I could on 100 cards and the thought of a functioning deck that could win games hadn’t even crossed my mind. Initially, my focus was solely on novelty, much like someone might get caught up in the excitement of a new fitness trend without considering long-term sustainability or even actual enjoyment.
After all of these strange “upgrades,” I LOST SO MANY GAMES! No matter how many games I played, my win percentage couldn’t have been more than 5%. I was trying to pick out the weirdest counters and instead of actually making a functional deck, I was just going all in on the meme. While there is a time and place for meme decks, losing almost every game I played got in the way of some of the fun especially when it was my only deck. You don’t want your only option to play to be a strange unpilotable pile of jank. I have a copy of the original deck list but it’s not even worth sharing and comparing. If it made a weird counter, I ran it. Along with 36-38 lands, I just prayed that it worked every time I played it. For a long time I didn’t make any conscious effort into making a playable deck similar to how I just let life happen to me for a long time. I can’t say I remember when, but it must have been after another handful of losses that I decided it’s time to make a change. But just like what I did to try and fix my life later, it’s always possible to overcorrect.
I loaded my deck up into Moxfield and tried to shove as many overpowered cards into it to see if it would work. I had a bunch of green, white, and blue format staples and included a ton of what are now called game-changers per the latest commander updates. I was just desperate for it to work and get some wins. After I printed out some proxies, I took the new deck out for a spin with my local playgroups, and it just wasn’t fun to play. Sure, it performed better in the sense that I got to make more meaningful game actions and a few wins, but the gameplay just wasn’t fun. I’d sit at a table with a full grip of cards and a powerful boardstate and I’d feel bad for playing some of the cards in my hand. It wasn’t because I was playing with other people whose decks were weaker. I’m very much against pub-stomping! It was because the deck was just a generic pile of really good cards with some goofy subtheme that rarely mattered. Trying to force success by overloading on power is like trying to fix problems with drastic, unsustainable measures. It might yield temporary improvements, but it often lacks the personal connection and enjoyment that comes from a more balanced approach. It led to me benching the deck in order to play other more fun brews I had made. I would tell people about how incredible I thought it was and mention the deck when people would ask me when I got into Magic, but I wouldn’t bring it around. It was a really shiny rock but still just a rock at the end of the day.
It took a lot of time for me to want to revisit the decklist and give it another shot. I put so much mental energy in wanting it to work it was actually exhausting to think about how to fix it. I eventually got to a point where it became one of my least played decks.
This is where the magic story lines up with the life story and it’s the point that made me want to get back into writing for Precon Playground. During my recovery I took out the proxies from the sleeves and returned my deck to its naturally goofy state. With nothing to do besides brew decks and order cards, I think I’ve come up with the perfect split of wacky cards to functional support pieces. In ordering the cards for the deck I also took the time to bling the deck out a little and take some pride in what I’ve built. The perfect middle ground of shiny janky cards and heavily played expensive ones.
And that is the conclusion to both the life stuff and magic stuff. I’m finding the balance between fun activities (like writing for PCPG and playing Magic) and necessary activities like exercising, studying for school, and eating right. The deck now strikes a balance between its unique, counter-centric identity and the necessary components for a functional and enjoyable Commander experience.
And just like a recipe website where someone shares way too much of their life story that just gets in the way of the actual recipe: Here is the deck tech and the actual decklist.
Intro/Gameplan
This deck is a one track minded voltron deck that is focused on getting as many differently named counters onto the battlefield so Perrie, the Pulverizer can get +1/+1 for each one. This deck wants to win with combat damage and it is very clear with the number of differently named counters. Everyone always asks so here is the full list of the 42 kinds of counters that can contribute to Perrie’s attack trigger.
Defense (battles)
Loyalty (planeswalkers)
Slumber
Oil
Double Strike
Flying
First Strike
Deathtouch
Hexproof
Lifelink
Menace
Reach
Trample
Vigilance
+1/+1
Exalted
Level Up
Valor
Everything
Nest
Flood
Verse
Vow
Shield
Gem
Component
Charge
Harmony
Suspect
Hour
Coin
Fate
Brick
Night
Point
Burden
Time
Tower
Age
Foreshadow
Storage
Mining
Energy Counters (They don’t count as they aren’t on a permanent but still cool)
No, I’m not trying to give myself poison counters.
Buffing Perrie
As mentioned a bunch earlier, the gameplan is to buff Perrie as much as possible. With the shield counter he gives himself on ETB and the trample from his attack trigger, he shouldn’t have too much of an issue getting in for meaningful commander damage. Here we’ll go over some of the best cards for upping the counter count amongst permanents.
MVP of the Deck:
Agent’s Toolkit - When the designers made Perrie I’m sure they made this card right after it as the most important tool (or set of tools) to make the deck work. We get 5 different kinds of counters that can be passed around to creatures as they ETB after it. Being only 3 mana it perfectly curves out into Perrie on turn 4 giving your choice counter off of the toolkit. When playing Perrie on turn four after Agent’s Toolkit, it’s almost always best to pick the flying counter as that can give him some evasion and save the shield counter to eat some removal.
Arixmethes, Slumbering Isle - Coming into play with slumber counters this massive 12/12 creature usually hangs back as a land for most of the game to stay safe. As the game goes on we’ll keep Arixmethes at just one slumber counter and after a board wipe you can cast one spell, wake him up, and suit him up to start closing out games. While a lot of the offensive counters are meant for Perrie, a 12/12 with a menace, deathtouch, or a double strike counter can definitely lower some life totals.
Elspeth Resplendent - Like Agent’s Toolkit, this Elspeth is one of the ways to get multiple counters at once. It comes in with loyalty counters, and the +1 ability can add a +1/+1 counter and one choice of some great keyword counters. All of those keyword counters are also great at keeping Elspeth around. When in doubt and especially if Perrie already has all the keyword counters that Elspeth can hand out, you can always tick down Elspeth to find some permanents to up the counter count some more. There’s 23 cards under three 3 mana value that can add a new kind of counter which makes digging through your deck a completely worthwhile strategy. Especially if you know you’re not going to have her around into the next turn cycle.
Slippery Bogbonder - If we have this in hand and Perrie on the battlefield, WE ALWAYS KEEP UP MANA FOR SLIPPERY BOGBONDER. Especially once we’re putting on the pressure with Perrie, he’s going to attract a lot of heat at the table. Being able to flash in some hexproof is invaluable in this deck.
Crystalline Giant - This is another card behind Agent’s Toolkit that can add tons of value to Perrie’s attack trigger by itself. Every turn it is guaranteed a new kind of counter guaranteeing an additional +1/+1 per turn for Perrie. And if it stays on the battlefield long enough it can be a threat in its own right.
Xolatoyac, the Smiling Flood - This is essentially a build it yourself Seedborn Muse. A lot of the permanents in this deck make their own kinds of counters and have useful tap abilities making the free extra untap at your end step super useful.
The Game Changers
These cards could have been other niche counters but at some point every deck needs some tape to make the deck functional in more ways than just buffing Perrie. We need some card draw and we need a lot of mana for casting Perrie a bunch as well as casting the rest of the cards we’re drawing. The second good reason for these additions is that they draw removal. If we can convince our opponents to aim the removal at our gamechangers, it’s another piece of removal that’s not aimed at Perrie. For these reasons we’re running five cards off the gamechangers list. They are so strong they almost don’t need introductions so I’ll run them down quickly.
The One Ring serves double duty as it adds burden counters. One of the important things to dig for is Splendor Mare or Elspeth Resplendent as those are the only ways to get lifelink counters onto Perrie and offset some of the life loss from using the ring every time. For Rhystic Study, if we have it and we won’t mind attracting some heat at the table, the card draw is worth it. Trouble in Pairs, like Rhystic Study, is a more solid card draw outlet for just existing at the table.
Smothering Tithe is not essential but when we are hurting for mana it comes in clutch as most people barely pay the 1 for rhystic study, let alone two to stop some treasure production. Fierce Guardianship is a great addition as we are so dependent on our commander. We’ll almost always have Perrie around to keep Fierce Guardianship as our get-out-of-jail-free card
The Vegetables
You have to eat your vegetables and can’t depend on 5 game changers to get you out of everything. Damning Verdict is a great board wipe that almost always leaves us the best off at the table and sometimes completely unscathed. Everflowing Chalice, Invasion of Zendikar, Replicating Ring, and Strixhaven Stadium are some of our best ramp pieces as they also come with differently named counters to keep buffing Perrie. We need to keep Perrie safe so cards like Fierce Guardianship, Plaza of Heroes, Slippery Bogbonder, and Swiftfoot Boots are essential in making it late in the game. Bulwark Ox is also a recent and interesting addition as its sacrifice ability is another great way of keeping Perrie safe.
The Closers
These cards offer the most gains in closing out a game. We are often only attacking with Perrie so Finest Hour can end a player in just one turn especially if Perrie gains double strike from the flavorful pairing/inclusion of Rafiq of the Many. To surprise everyone and steal the victory, we can sneak out the last bit of commander damage using Storm of Forms. If our board state is stacked we can use it like a Cyclonic Rift. With all the offensive keyword counters we throw on to Perrie, arming him with Luxior, Giada’s Gift can often double his power. We can also go for the flavor win by arming Elspeth with her own sword which works great as we buff Elspeth with her own ability. Lastly, Lion Sash acts as a backup Luxior while also serving as extremely useful and necessary graveyard hate.
Wrapup
Plus a few extra fun cards that’s the whole deck! Below is the full decklist. I know the price is a little wild but as mentioned before, this deck is my pet project. If some of the cards don’t get banned I’d like to foil it out completely and actually invest in a better mana base.
If you’ve read the whole thing, apologies for all the personal stuff up front but I think it’s important to be honest as to why content hasn’t been coming up onto the site as much as I’d like. Writing this also gave me the time and space to look inward, adjust my priorities, and really embrace the new lifestyle changes I have to live. I want to thank all the people who come to the site looking for updates as well as my friends in the MTG Astoria who have been supporting the page since day one.
Always remember, Play Nice and No Shoving.
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